If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
