The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
