I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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