we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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