If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
