And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
