I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
