Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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