I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
