She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
