I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
