ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
