I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
