at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
