Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
