..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
