im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
