Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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