Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
