You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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