Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
