i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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