i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
