this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
