How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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