He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
