Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
