with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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