Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I need moral support for this bender
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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