i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
