I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
