Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
