Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
