I'm really into asian looking animals
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
