I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
