Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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