girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
