Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
