1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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