My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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