Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
