I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my being single is dangerous.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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