you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
