whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
whose parrot is this?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
