maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
