This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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