The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
