those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
