I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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