I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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