She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
