i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
